


Giraffes

by tstate_wranglerr



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Bad Parent Roger Peralta, Bisexual Gina Linetti, Bisexual Jake Peralta, Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta Friendship, Hurt Jake Peralta, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jake Peralta Needs a Hug, Jake Peralta is Bad at Feelings, Multi, Roger Peralta Bashing, Sweet, Young Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta, jake ends up with john because thats what my little slightly gay heart wanted, like you dont understand how shitty roger is in this he sucks, still love amy tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 10,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tstate_wranglerr/pseuds/tstate_wranglerr
Summary: Just a few of the reasons that Jake Peralta became the man he is today.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Everyone, Jake Peralta & Karen Peralta, Jake Peralta & Roger Peralta, Jake Peralta/Original Male Character(s), John Mulaney/Jake Peralta, Kevin Cozner & Jake Peralta, Kevin Cozner/Ray Holt, Ray Holt & Jake Peralta, Rosa Diaz & Jake Peralta, Rosa Diaz/Gina Linetti
Comments: 51
Kudos: 354





	1. Chapter 1

Jake is five and listening to his drunk father berate the obviously gay high school age waiter serving them the best chicken tenders in all of New York. Although he had heard the same words many times before in the privacy of their own home, he knows that this time is different. He was young, but he knew what being mean was. Mrs. Sommers told him every day to always be kind, even when nobody was looking, and especially when everybody else was being mean.

But Roger can't be bad, right? I mean, he was Jakes's superhero! He was the best pilot in the entire world, even if he wasn't around often. Even if sometimes Jake caught him kissing people that weren't his mom. That's just what adults did. It's what superheroes did.

So the stuff Jakes's dad saying has to be true. It has to be. But then, Mrs. Sommers wanted all of her kids to come back from winter break sharing a story about something nice they did for a stranger, or how they made a stranger smile, so maybe this was his chance to get her a story.

So he scribbled out a drawing with the restaurant crayons that barely drew, and his chubby little hands held onto the crayon like it was a lifeline. It was a drawing of the waiter and Jake together in front of the restaurant. Jake had the best chicken tenders in New York in his hands and the waiter held up a menu where the only thing you could order was scribbles that, in Jakes's five-year-old brain, resembled cursive. There's a sun in the corner with a smiley face and sunglasses because that's obviously what the sun looks like.

Jake is five and his dad is in the bathroom, so Jake stands up and does that 'little kid walk' over to the waiter, who's currently taking an order for a different, also gay, couple. His chubby little fingers grip the waiter's apron and he yanks on it to get his attention because he doesn't know what else to do. Although the waiter was looking at a five-year-old, he was expecting the worst.

Instead, Jake stood on his tiptoes and reached the drawing up as high as he could make it - which wasn't that high - but it worked because the waiter took the drawing and unraveled it. Out of his short pockets, he pulls out a crumpled dollar bill, a plastic batman ring, and a yellow counting bear that he stole from school. He gives the waiter the money because he's seen his dad give waiters money. He gives the bearded man the yellow counting bear because they look alike. He gives the other man the batman ring because it's all he has left.

"Mrs. Sommers says to be nice," He tells the three in a high pitched voice and an innocent smile that could charm anybody, "She's my teacher, I really like her. She's really nice." And he can't quite pronounce some of his letters right, but it's okay because at least he's trying.

"Daddy is a superhero," He continues, "But he's not a nice superhero."

Jake is five and getting dragged out of the restaurant by his drunk father. He's waving at the obviously gay high school age waiter who's currently crying into the other, also gay, couple. But Jake doesn't care, he's just thinking that Mrs. Sommers will be so proud of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Jake is six and watching his drunk father yell and spit and scream at the people in the street. But Jake doesn't understand why because they're just walking and dancing and having fun, and Jake thinks that it looks really fun because there are lots of rainbows and balloons, and people have feathers and funny hats, and they're dancing and having fun and Jake just really wants to be on one of the floats driving by because oh! They look like so much fun! When he stood on one, he'd be so tall, and he'd feel like spiderman looking down on the city. Or maybe a giraffe. Jake liked giraffes.

Then, somebody was leaning down and holding out three items. A small flag with lots of colors - all of which Jake could name - and a stuffed unicorn toy, and a sticker. Jake isn't sure if he's supposed to pick just one, but he can't help himself. He grabs them all. He sticks the sticker on his forehead because its funny and makes the people around him laugh. Then he waves the flag around wildly and kisses the unicorn a couple times. He doesn't know what he's gonna name it, but it's gonna be a good name.

Before he can name it, people are screaming and moving around. But it's not happy screaming. It's not the screaming that Jake sometimes hears from the garage when his mom isn't home - the one his dad says is just a tickling war - these screams sounded scared, like the way that Suzie Moreno screamed when she saw a spider. So Jake was trying to ask where the spider was, but nobody would listen to him.

Then, a policeman was hurting his father. And then his father was getting handcuffed and Jake was trying to figure out why, because he didn't do anything wrong. Jake is screaming at the policeman that they can't take him away because he's a superhero, and everybody knows that you can't arrest superheroes. But the cop isn't listening, and it seems like nobody is listening to him.

But then he's swept off his feet by a policeman he drops his unicorn and the flag. The cop puts him in the front seat of a police car and takes the sticker off of his forehead, putting it on his shirt. Jake pretends to drive the car, but his feet can't reach the pedals, he can't see over the dash, and his fingers are too small to hold the steering wheel. But he makes 'vroom vroom' sounds with his mouth because that's obviously what cars sound like.

Jake asks the police officer, his voice still high pitched, and an innocent smile still present on his face, "Why were people yelling? I didn't see a spider." But the cop was confused and didn't have an answer, so Jake dropped it.

Jake is six and sitting in the front seat of a police car while another policeman yells at his drunk father while a bunch of people have fun around them. But Jake doesn't care, because he's just thinking about how lonely his unicorn is, and how he hopes that somebody picks him up and loves him as much as Jake did.


	3. Chapter 3

Jake is seven and playing in his front yard with one of his best friends, Rick Bonny. They're playing soccer against each other and Jake is being the goalie and letting no goals in.

Ricks's parents come to pick him up and it's the first time that Jakes meeting them, but they're both girls. Jake is confused but doesn't mind because they drove Rick over here and that's all that matters.

But then Roger steps outside for a cigarette and sees the two women interacting with his son and flips. He screams at them and throws his cigarette in their faces. They don't scream back, though. They remain calm and try to talk to them.

On his way to the car, Rick says that he can't come over to play anymore, but that Jake can come over to his house and play.

Jake is seven as he watches his best friend drive off for the last time. His father tells him he should never talk to him again, because he'll spread it like the flu. But Jake doesn't care, because he can no longer see his best friend, and he's starting to think that maybe his dad isn't a superhero.


	4. Chapter 4

Jake is eight and spending the night at Rick's house for the first time.

Rick has a bunk bed and lets Jake take the top bunk because he's never been on one before, and he feels just like Spider-Man looking down on the city. Or a giraffe. Jake still likes giraffes.

They spend the whole day outside playing soccer and baseball in the background. Jake likes Ricks's house more than he likes his own. Rick says that he has an older brother, but Jake doesn't see him until dinner time.

Ricks's brother gets back from work and brings them all the best chicken tenders in New York. Jake eats them and says how his dad always used to take him there, but then one day he yelled too loud and they never went back. Jack missed New York's best chicken tenders.

Then, Jake pointed at a framed picture on the wall and said accusingly, "Rick did you steal my picture?"

Then Ricks's brother hugs him and cries, and Ricks's moms do too. But Jake doesn't understand what's going on. He just wants to know how they got one of his drawings.

Jake is eight and sitting at a dinner table that isn't his own. His feet don't touch the ground and he eats the best chicken tenders in New York. But Jake doesn't care because he has a question burning on his mind, so he asks it and nobody knows how to answer, "What does 'divorce' mean?"


	5. Chapter 5

Jake is nine and walking to his dad's small apartment from school when he passes a convenience store and decides to enter.

Jakes's mom gave him five dollars, so he buys an orange soda and a pack of gummy bears.

There are three people at the counter, and the clerk, and two of them are holding hands. They're both guys. Jake doesn't mind, but he does mind the man next to them yelling in their faces. He has a few items in his hands but he doesn't look like he's in line.

"Hey, dude," Jake speaks up, getting the attention of the four guys up front, "Stop trying to cut in line, they just wanna buy their sodas!"

But the guy doesn't know how to respond to that so he leaves, but not before yelling the same n and f words that Rogers had yelled many times before, even at some of Jakes's friends. And that word hurts Jake because he knows it's wrong. He doesn't know what it means, but he knows who Roger says it towards. Blacks and gays. Rogers's two least favorite groups of people - Jake has heard him say that a thousand times.

"Thank you." Was the response from both of the men in front of him.

Jake just shrugs, "I just want my gummy bears. My dad, he gets really mad when I don't get home in time."

The two guys pay for his orange soda and the gummy bears, so Jake gets to keep his five dollars. He's glad. He could probably buy a hot wheels with it. Maybe two.

Jake is nine and walking up to the two guys that bought his gummy bears, and handing them each a few gummy bears because "Those words aren't nice and my dad, he sometimes, he uses those words and they're not nice," But Jake doesn't care that he's losing gummy bears because he finally realizes something, "And my dads not a superhero anymore."


	6. Chapter 6

Jake is ten and watching his dad throw up outside of a bar because his mother is out of town for business and couldn't bring Jake with her.

It's a Saturday night and Jake is supposed to be at home playing video games or watching Saturday Night Live, not watching his drunk father spew his guts on the side of the road.

It's cold in New York and Jake can see his breath. He just wants his mom to get back so he can go see friends, go sledding and have snowball fights that end in awesome bloody noses and maybe a broken finger or two.

But it's the middle of November and Jake gets to watch his father pick fights with every person passing by.

And then a gay couple walks by. A few do, actually. It's a mix of people. Some straight, some gay, some lesbians. Rick's parents have taught him a lot. He knows some official terms now. Using them makes him feel smart. Like the term homosexual, that's a big word. It's when somebody likes somebody who's the same gender as them - they taught him that too. Like a guy liking a guy or a girl liking a girl.

And his father starts spewing homophobic slurs - those are mean words against homosexuals (Rick's parents taught him) - and Jake can finally understand what he's saying, but he wishes he couldn't because they're not nice.

"Bunch of fucking faggots!" Roger yells at them, stumbling into their faces, "Huh? I bet you're a bunch of fucking shemales!" And then they start yelling back because it's late and they're tired of being discriminated - Jake didn't remember what that word meant, but he knew it was bad.

"Fucking chicks with dicks! Faggots! You're going to hell! You're all going to hell?"

And then Jake realizes that somebody is going to get hurt, and part of him wishes it was his father, but he jumps into action and saves the day.

He grabs his father by the jacket, using all his strength to pull him away.

"Come on, dad," he says, "Stop yelling."

And his dad stumbles towards Jake and Jake barely catches him but he does. And then everything is silent because nobody knows how to respond to a young child wrangling his drunk father, and because Roger is throwing up on said young child's shoes.

"These are my favorite shoes, dad!"

Jake is ten and his dad's hands are pulling his hair so hard it feels like he's gonna pull it right out. His favorite pair of shoes are in a trash can covered in vomit in downtown New York, but Jake didn't care because all he can think about is how nobody will stand up for him.


	7. Chapter 7

Jake is eleven and he's crying as Rick and his family move away. Rick promises they'll see each other again, but Jake knows it's a lie.

So he hugs Rick goodbye for the last time, and his moms give him kisses on the forehead. Even his older brother shows up, though he's in college now, and gives him a big hug and a sincere 'thank you'.

But Jake doesn't deserve a thank you, because he didn't do anything. They're the ones that taught him to be nice and to always be kind no matter what. It reminds Jake of Mrs. Sommers. He wonders whatever happened to her.

And when they drive off, Roger harshly claps his shoulder, leaving his hand on it.

"It's a good thing they're gone. Every single one of them was a fag, they're all going to hell."

And Jake stepped aside so his father's hand fell off of his shoulder. His shoulder still stung from where his father had hit it, but Jake doesn't care because he has to tell his father something, "They're not faggots, dad. They're my friends, and they're gooder people than you'll ever be!"


	8. Chapter 8

Jake is twelve when he first realizes he has a crush on A.C. Slater. Well, realized isn't the right word.

He knows that something is there, but he just assumes it's because he wants to be A.C. Slater, not because he has a giant crush on him.

So when his best friend - more of a little sister he never had type thing - gushes over A.C. Slater he agrees and she, surprisingly, doesn't question it or push it.

When again casually mentions how hot Kelly Kapowski is, Jake agrees and doesn't question or push it, mostly because he's too oblivious to realize.

Jake is twelve and bringing over his first girlfriend and they watch Saved By The Bell until her mom picks her up. Jake brings up how cool A.C. Slater is, and how much he'd love to be like him. Her response is just 'yeah, he's ok'. He never once hears her bring up how hot Kelly Kapowski is, like the way Gina mentions it every time she's over. But Jake doesn't care because he has a pack of gushers to eat, though he probably shouldn't because he has braces.


	9. Chapter 9

Jake is thirteen and at his first party. It's a high school party and Jake probably shouldn't even be here, but they are a lot of eighth-graders there too so it's okay.

Some high school girls that Jake doesn't know give him a brownie so he eats the whole thing. He later thinks it's a bad idea. Somehow he manages to stay away from the alcohol. Maybe it's because of the way Roger acts when he's drunk.

He somehow ends up at spin the bottle with a bunch of drunk and high eighth-graders and high schoolers.

Jake is thirteen and his spin lands on a 15-year-old sophomore named Levi Gold. Jake doesn't care because he's much too high, and Levi is much too drunk, so they kiss for a moment and the cheers are something Jake has never heard. But he doesn't care, because the only thought in his head for the rest of the night was the knowledge that he didn't entirely hate that kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

Jake is fourteen and walking home from his first real high school party, and this one has no eighth graders.

Jake loses Gina in the first ten minutes of the party. He takes another brownie and eats the whole thing.

He doesn't avoid the alcohol this time.

He ends up in spin the bottle and he recognizes Levi Gold from the year before. His spin lands on Levi again. They kiss again. It's the same as last year, but it's different.

Jake leaves the party with Levi's number. He has a car and drivers license now, so they can hang out whenever. Jake isn't sure whether he likes it or not, but he knows he'll call eventually.

He's drunk. He feels like his dad. He hates it. He trudges through the cold late night air that New York offers. He doesn't really know where he's going, but it's a Saturday night and he knows that he can't go home. Or to Gina's house. Speaking of, where did she go?

Jake bumps into a couple on the sidewalk and falls to the ground. Instead of getting up he just lays there and laughs.

The couple helps him up. They're both girls, they look like they're seniors in high school maybe.

They take Jake to the older girls house since her parents are gone, and they make him as many milkshakes as he wants - five, he wanted five - and cook him chicken tenders that may rival the best chicken tenders in New York, though that might just be the drugs taking.

And they turn on Die Hard, which Jake asked to watch about a thousand times. He falls asleep before the opening credits finish.

Jake is fourteen and he wakes up in a bedroom that he doesn't know with a raging headache and an aching body. He doesn't remember anything from the night before. He shuffles out into the kitchen dressed in pajamas and finds one of the girls cooking. She jokes with him and tells him what went down the night before. But he doesn't care, because now he has two seniors that are basically his new moms.


	11. Chapter 11

Jake is fifteen and feeling like he's six, standing behind a tall metal gate at what he now knows to be pride.

It's different than when he was six. There are more people, but they all seem to be having fun, and Jake still wants to get on top of one of the floats because, even though he hasn't thought of spiderman in a long time, he might still feel like a giraffe. Jake still likes giraffes.

This time no nice dancing people come up to Jake. Nobody gives him a sticker to stick on his forehead, nobody gives him a flag to wildly wave around, and nobody gives him a stuffed unicorn to kiss. They stay away from him. At first, Jake is confused. He isn't doing anything wrong. He's not screaming and yelling. But the people around him are. His father is.

Jake notices a bunch of people he knows coming up. The only reason he notices is because of Kristina's bright pink hair. And suddenly the world becomes too much for Jake because some of his best friends are nearing him, but they're on the opposite side of the fence. And then Roger is yelling at Jake to yell at everybody in the street, and he's pulling Jakes's hair and slapping him around. And Jake can't take it.

So Jake runs. And he runs. And he runs. Which is weird because Jake hates running. And Jake doesn't know where he is or what he's running from. Maybe his dad. Maybe his friends. Maybe himself.

Jake stops running in a part of town that he's never really been. He slides down the wall of a police station and puts his head in his knees. He's glad it's New York because nobody bothers giving him a second glance. Or even a first one, for that matter.

And Jake can't breathe. He doesn't know what's happening and it scares him. And he keeps his eyes shut because when he opens them the entire world is spinning. He feels like he's gonna throw up and he can feel his entire body shaking. He can't breathe. He feels a pressure on his chest that just won't go away.

"Kid?" Jake looks up but the image in front of his is spinning. And ok, maybe he's been crying.

"Hey, are you okay, kid?"

But Jake can't talk so he just shakes his head. Because he's not okay. He's not. Nothing is okay anymore.

So the big fat black cop helps Jake up and takes him into an empty bathroom and talks to Jake until he calms down. And they talk. For a while. And it's a heart to heart with this guy that Jake will probably never see again, but it feels good. And Jake doesn't tell the whole truth because he doesn't even know the whole truth. And then he's free to go.

Jake is fifteen and calling Kristina to pick him up from a police station while his entire body, including voice, continue to shake. She asks a lot of questions, but he doesn't care, because now he knows what he wants to do when he's older.


	12. Chapter 12

Jake is sixteen and getting his heart broken for the first time because Levi is moving away to play football in college.

And maybe they were never really in a relationship, but they still kissed and hooked up in the back of Levis Ford Cortina. And they promise they'll see each other again but they break off whatever weird relationship they had in the first place, because they both know it's a lie and they'll never even speak of each other again.

And Jake quietly sobs into his pillow because sure, maybe they were never a thing but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. And Gina does her best to comfort him because, "Oh, baby I understand." And she rests her head on his back until they both fall asleep.

That same month, Gina is introducing Jake to one of her friends from whatever weird police program she's in. His name is Marshall Lockwood and he's a year older than Jake.

And then they're at Nana's house every day. Marshall tries to teach Jake to play the piano but it's much too complicated for him, so he just goes to playing Chopines Nocturnes for Jake and Gina.

Jake is sixteen and Levi Gold is nothing but a distant memory. And maybe Jake can't play the piano very well, but he doesn't care, because Marshall can.


	13. Chapter 13

Jake is seventeen and watching Marshall leave for Ohio State.

And maybe his heart is breaking again. And maybe for different reasons, because they never had a relationship. They were just friends. There was nothing between them. Nothing ever happened during the late-night car rides when it was just the two of them sitting on a hill with the lights off and staring down at New York.

But Jake still goes home and sobs about it on his pillow for days. And Gina puts on reruns of Saved By The Bell because she knows that maybe A.C. Slater can make him feel better. And Gina does her best to comfort him because, "Oh, baby I understand." And she rests her head on his back until they both fall asleep.

And the next day Jake is beating up a gay kid in the locker room while all the kids around him cheer him on and don't bother to help the little freshman. And Jake promises himself that it's not because he's gay, but just because he was being an annoying little freshman, and that's what upperclassmen are supposed to do to the fish. But it doesn't work because as his coaches are tearing him away from the bleeding 14-year-old, Jake screams at him, "You're a faggot and you're going to hell!"

Jake doesn't know what to say to the freshman parents. Or the freshman. He doesn't even know the kid's name. Just that he was gay. And a freshman. And Jake had done his share of standing up for people like the freshman, but none of them ever stood up for him. And he was tired of it. He was tired of boys like that stupid little freshman breaking his heart. He figured that maybe if he broke some kid's heart, and face apparently, that he would feel better. He didn't. He felt worse. So much worse.

The meeting was two hours long. Jake barely spoke. He didn't know what to say and he felt like he was going to cry. He did. The kid's mom was Mrs. Sommers and she reminded Jake about what a nice little boy he was. About how he always went out of his way to help people and stood up for everybody. And then she reminded him of the story he told her of the time he drew the drawing for the waiter and made him cry, and how she had told them that they were happy tears and he did such a great job. And that made Jake cry. He thought about how disappointed Rick's entire family would be in him. About how their son was the waiter he had helped that day. How his moms taught him everything they could because they wanted Jake to be a better man than his father. And Jake realized that maybe he was becoming his greatest fear - his father.

Jake is seventeen and he can't even get the words 'I'm sorry' out of his mouth, let alone tell everybody in the principal's office why he beat up an innocent freshman. He gets suspended for a week. His mother refuses to talk to him. Gina does too. And his two senior moms that have long since been seniors. But he doesn't care, because his father tells him how proud he is, and Jake realizes he's becoming just like him. And that scares the shit out of him.


	14. Chapter 14

Jake is eighteen and getting ready to move out of his house.

He only had a few boxes packed up in the back of his shitty car that could barely even drive - he really needed a new car but he didn't have the money. A few of his friends stop by to wish him luck, including his two adoptive senior moms that aren't really seniors anymore. They tell him they're proud of him and they know he'll do good. They tell him to call. He will.

Mrs. Sommers and her family are there too. The kid, Jackson, still flinches when Jake gets near him.

Gina is there with her new girlfriend. They promise to keep in touch. They both know they will because they're best friends and they don't care how far the distance is between them. They'll always have each others back.

Jakes's mom helps him move into his dorm. It feels and looks like a prison. The beds are really just thin mattresses with uncomfortable wool blankets on them. Underneath them are a small desk and a dresser. There's not even a ladder to get up, Jake has to use the back to climb up. Or he can grab the railing and use the dresser or desk.

Jakes's roommate is there when he arrives. He's a tall English major named John. Jake tells him that majoring in English is stupid, I mean, he already knows how to speak it. John agrees.

Jake is eighteen and somehow falling off his bed in the middle of the night. He hits his head on the side of the drawer and makes it bleed. But he doesn't care, because John is busy telling him a funny joke to take his mind off of it. And it works. 


	15. Chapter 15

Jake is nineteen and majoring in criminal justice. He somehow manages to remain top of his class despite the number of parties he goes to.

John is the one that invites Jake to the parties. At first, he's shocked. John seemed more shy than that. He didn't seem like the type that got blackout drunk every Saturday. Nor the type to do cocaine - Jake saw him do that once. It was odd how comfortable John felt doing illegal things in front of his roommate. You know, the one who wanted to become a cop when he graduated college.

Jake loved most the night's John would come back to the dorms so drunk he could barely stand, while Jake was busy studying for an upcoming exam. John wouldn't even be able to climb into bed, so Jake would throw a few blanket and pillows on the ground, and John would curl up at Jakes's feet like a dog. And then John would tell Jake to bore him to sleep, so Jake would read whatever material he was studying out loud. He would do that even long after John fell asleep. And maybe it actually helped him learn it, because he would do the best on his tests following those nights.

Sometimes John would notice that Jake was having a bad day. He'd make a bed on the floor with a bunch of pillows and sheets and uncomfortable wool blankets, and they'd cuddle and watch Die Hard all night until Jake fell asleep.

Jake was nineteen and okay, yeah, maybe he had feelings for his roommate but he pushed them away until one fateful drunken night. And okay, yeah, maybe they were both drunk and possibly on drugs, but that just meant that none of it mattered. And okay, yeah, maybe everything was different after that but he doesn't care, because now everything is good.


	16. Chapter 16

Jake is twenty and he and John are moving into an apartment together.

Well, it's technically still on-campus housing, but they're just glad that they finally have a kitchen in their room. Granted, neither of them really know how to cook, but they can learn, right?

John complains daily about how useless his major is, and how he's just going to be a comedian when he 'grows up'. He tests his stuff out on Jake and Jake laughs at every joke, whether it's funny or not. John uses his free time to help Jake study.

One night they're running from the cops after the party they were at got called in. Jake thinks it's funny how he's running from the comes when soon he's gonna be chasing the people that do. They end up jumping the fence to a swimming pool somewhere in Brooklyn. It's empty and cold, but neither of them cares. Jake trip into the pool and emerges laughing his head off. John jumps in next to him and pulls him into a kiss. And it's soft and sweet, even if they are drunk out of their goddamn minds. And then John says, "I fucking love you, Jacob." And Jake wants to say it back, but he can't and he doesn't know why. So he just says, "Noice." And John laughs his head off.

Jake is twenty and meetings Johns's parents for the first time. Charles and Ellen Mulaney love Jake. They especially love the fact that he's studying law, and constantly tell John that he should've done law too. John is very much like his parents. Jake gets to see his childhood bedroom and he's not surprised by how clean and minimalistic it is. They spend a week at their house and Jake even gets to meet his siblings. All of them. His parents show him every childhood photo of John that they have, but he doesn't care, because he finally has the courage to tell John something that's been gnawing at him for weeks, "I fucking love you too, John Mulaney."


	17. Chapter 17

Jake is twenty-one and finally living off-campus. Thank god.

He and John live on the tenth floor in a small apartment near NYU. There's a small balcony and sometimes Jake goes out there and looks out on the city below. He always thought that when he looked down at the city, he would feel like spiderman. But he doesn't feel like spiderman. If he were spiderman, everybody would notice him. They'd point and stare and take photos. He felt like a giraffe. Unseen. Unheard. Unnoticed. Except by that little kid who's eyes light up when they see the giraffe at the zoo. And Jake realizes that he's the giraffe and John is the little kid with the eyes that light up when he sees the giraffe. And he's okay with that.

John stops partying as much, he still does sometimes, and instead attends improv classes and helps Jake study.

John does stand up sometimes and Jake goes to every show, even if that means studying law in a loud, crowded bar. He still laughs at every joke. John still sometimes shows up to the apartment drunk and curls up at Jakes's feet, asking him to bore him to sleep. Jake still does good on tests after those nights.

It's a cold, snowy week in December when Jake is returning home from a late-night studying session at the library. The snow is falling pretty hard and Jake is freezing, despite wearing a large jacket, gloves, and a hat. He can hardly feel his fingers. He's not running, but he's almost there. When he hears a whimpering he stops. Against his better judgment, he enters the dark, snowy alley. He finds an old golden retriever shaking in the snow. Jake can't just leave the poor dog there, so he takes his jacket off, wraps the dog in it, and carries the dog home.

They cuddle with the dog all night to get him warm and take him to the vet the next morning. He's fine, just cold and malnourished. Jake and John become dog fathers. The vet says he's old and probably only has a few years left, so Jake and John promise to make those the best years of his life.

They call him Detective - Jakes choice - and they take him everywhere. And the spoil him. A lot.

They have Christmas at Jakes's moms house with John and his family. It's the first Peralta-Mulaney Christmas, and both of them hope there will be a lot more to come. Detective Peralta-Mulaney is spoiled by everybody and everything. It's the best Christmas any of them has ever had.

Of course, somebody has to show up and ruin it. Roger Peralta shows up drunk, looking for his son. John answers the door.

Jake is twenty-one and arguing with his father because yes, he has a boyfriend. Roger yells at him and screams at him, pulls his hair and slaps him around, but he doesn't care, because he has a family inside that love him no matter what.


	18. Chapter 18

Jake is twenty-two and graduating college.

Detective shows up too and is very proud of them. He curls up at their feet while they're taking photos. He thinks their gowns are funny and nips at them whenever they move. They celebrate their mutual graduation all night, and when John gets so drunk that he curls up at Jakes's feet, Detective curls up with him. John almost asks Jake to bore him to sleep, but he realizes that Jake no longer has to study. Instead, he says, "Cuddle me to sleep." and that became their new routine.

Jake goes to the six-month police academy and loves every day of it. John does a lot more stand up and Jake shows up whenever he can. He laughs at every joke.

Jake finishes the police academy and finally becomes a police officer. The day before his graduation he lays in bed. John is curled up to his chest, one of Jakes's arms resting around him, and Detective is laying over both of them, his head on Jakes's chest. Die Hard is on repeat for the 2nd time that night. Jake is too excited to sleep. He goes on all night about how he's gonna be the best cop in the world, and about how soon, "You won't be the only detective Peralta, Detective Peralta."

Jake is twenty-two and graduating the police academy. He's at the top of his class. When he finally sees John and Detective after it, John is sure to tell him how cute he looks with that smile plastered on his face, and how good he looks in uniform. Jake knows that the road to detective is long and hard, but he doesn't care, because he has the best support system at home, and that's all that he cares about.


	19. Chapter 19

Jake is twenty-three and having dinner with his best friend from the academy, Rosa Diaz.

They've been friends since the start of the police academy, though she still doesn't know a lot about him, and he doesn't know a lot about her. John and Jake both wanted to keep their relationship private. So John doesn't mention him by name during stand up routines, and Jake never brings him up. Only Detective.

And their talking about whatever, because neither of them likes opening up and neither of them wants to talk about anything deep or personal.

And then a loud commotion from outside draws both of their attention. Even though they're not on duty, they're still cops. So they do what cops do, investigate.

And Jake finds his father yelling at a gay couple. And Jake knows it's just gonna get worse because one of them is black, and he can already tell that his father is drunk.

Jake tells Rosa to stay back and he goes up to his father, grabbing him and pulling him back. And he feels like he's ten again, barely catching his drunk father as he stumbles towards the ground.

Then Roger looks up and notices who exactly he's looking at, so he starts yelling louder. And Jake remains calm to try and calm him down because he's drunk and nobody can really understand what he's saying. But then, Roger throws a punch and it hits Jake directly on the nose. So Rosa jumps in, as does one of the gay men that none of them realize is a cop.

Jake immediately gets back up and throws his father to the ground, sweeping his legs out from underneath him. He gets on his back, pressing his knee down as hard as he can.

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law! You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you at no cost!" He's screaming at the top of his lungs but he doesn't care. The taste of blood in his mouth is the only thing he cares about.

Jake is twenty-three and arresting his own father for assaulting him. Jakes's nose is broken but he doesn't care, because he just wants to go home and hug and kiss John and Detective.


	20. Chapter 20

Jake is twenty-four and the distance is affecting his and Johns's relationship.

They still love each other, they just don't like the fact that one of them is always away. They fight now. Both of them hate it but they don't know how to stop. John wants to start mentioning Jake in his stand up, but Jake doesn't want him to. He doesn't like the idea of being an openly out cop because "Do you know how much that will set back my career?" and all he wants is to be a detective and that's already hard enough to do.

John is always gone. When he's in town he does stand up. Jake goes to every show he can. He still laughs at every joke.

When he's gone, Jake stands on the small balcony and watches the world from above. He's been over spiderman for a long time. He still feels like a giraffe. Unseen. Unheard. Unnoticed. Except by that little kid who's eyes light up when they see the giraffe at the zoo. And Jake realizes that he's still the giraffe and John is still the little kid with the eyes that light up when he sees the giraffe, but now John thinks that penguins are cool too, so he goes over to see the penguins. It doesn't mean he likes the giraffes any less, it just means that other animals are cool too. And Jake realizes that there are other little kids whose eyes light up when they see the giraffes. But he's not sure if he's okay with that.

The breakup is mutual. That doesn't make it any better. They both need some alone time. John stays at the house with Detective, Jake goes to Gina's house. Rosas there. Jake didn't even know they knew each other.

Gina makes Rosa put on reruns of Saved By The Bell because maybe A.C. Slater can make him feel better. It doesn't because he was in love with John and Detective and the little family he had, and he still is but it wasn't working. And he just cries into his pillow and tells her, "I loved him, Gina, I loved him!" and Gina does her best to comfort him because, "Oh, baby I understand." But she doesn't. And Jake hopes that she never will.

Gina falls asleep first. Jake can't. He misses cuddling with John and Detective. He misses their little bed, their little apartment, the shitty scrambled eggs that John would make every morning, the goodnight kisses he would get. And you don't just get over that.

So Jake grabbed some ice cream and then he was cut off by Rosa when he tried to exit the kitchen.

"Dude," She said, "Come here."

Jake is twenty-four and hugging his best friend from the police academy who until about five hours ago didn't know that Jake had a boyfriend. And Jake was sobbing, and Rosa wasn't the best with emotions, but he doesn't care, because he just misses John and Detective.


	21. Chapter 21

Jake is twenty-five and going to watch John perform at his biggest show yet.

It took a while, but they eventually got on good terms. Things will never be how they were before, but they're comfortable around each other. They have to be, they're still dog dads.

Jake got Detective.

For the most part, anyway. When John is in town, which isn't often, he gets him. Sometimes they'll have movie nights at Gina's house. Rosa will be there and they'll usually only watch Die Hard, but sometimes Jake makes exceptions.

John does amazingly. Jake is there with his friend Stevie, Gina, Rosa, and Detective. Stevie doesn't know about John and Jakes's relationship, and he wants it to stay that way.

Jake laughs at every joke.

Jake is twenty-five and ready to become a detective. A real detective. He thinks the promotion is coming soon, but he doesn't care, because Detective is having medical problems and oh my god, Jake is worried.


	22. Chapter 22

Jake is twenty-six and getting promoted to detective.

John is there to support him, Detective in tow. He's much older now and the hair around his snout is white. He doesn't move around much anymore and sleeps a lot. But Jake is okay with that because he doesn't go out much anymore either, aside from work and the occasional dinner with Rosa, Gina, or Stevie.

John still thinks that Jake looks amazing in uniform, and adorable with that smile plastered on his face. They take photos. Detective is in all of them.

His hearing is the first to go. Jake notices it gradually. Detective stops responding to his name until Jake is right up on him. Then he stops responding altogether.

His vision goes next. That one makes Jake cry uncontrollably for days. He hates seeing Detective bumping into walls and doors and furniture. He sleeps all day now.

It's one in the morning when Jake calls John and tells him to come to the vet immediately.

Jake is twenty-six and saying goodbye to the dog that his been with him through his highest highs and lowest lows. And sure, maybe Jake did finally make detective this year, but he doesn't care, because his dog is gone, and that hurts more than anything.


	23. Chapter 23

Jake is twenty-seven and getting transferred to the 99th precinct in Brooklyn.

He rents a small apartment a few blocks from the precinct. It has a slightly larger balcony than his other one. He spends most nights on the balcony. He still feels like a giraffe. Unseen. Unheard. Unnoticed. And it seems that the zoo he's in just got lions and tigers, so nobody cares about the giraffes anymore. He watches them run by and none of them even stop to see him. Nobody does. He wishes he was spiderman. He's sick of being a giraffe.

He spends most of his days alone now. He's getting sick of watching Die Hard and eating ice cream. He hasn't talked to Stevie since the transfer. He wonders how he's doing. He wonders how all his old friends are doing.

He spends the night researching all his old friends.

Rick Bonny is an elementary school teacher. Jake writes him an email. He hopes he's doing good.

Mrs. Sommers still teaches kindergarten. He writes her an email top. He hopes she's proud of him, but he knows that she probably shouldn't be.

He can't find anything on Ricks's brother.

His first girlfriend died five years ago in a car crash a few blocks down from Jakes's current apartment. He makes a mental note to go visit her grave.

Levi Gold made it to the NFL. He has a wife. They're expecting their first kid in three months.

Kristina and Kaylie Harris got married a month ago. Jake got an invitation. He wishes he went.

Marshall Lockwood is in jail for robbery. Jake wonders if he can still play piano. It's a weird thing to worry about considering where he ended up, but Jake is curious.

Jake is twenty-seven and Rosa gets transferred to the 99th precinct too. It's the only thing Jake looks forward to these days. His life is bleak. Empty. He feels like a giraffe in a zoo at night. Nobody. Nothing. Unseen. Unheard. Unnoticed. There are some lions and tigers in the zoo now, but he doesn't care, because he just wants somebody to notice him.


	24. Chapter 24

Jake is twenty-eight and starting to go to therapy.

It's actually Rosa's suggestion, which he finds surprising, but he takes it to heart. His sessions aren't always fun. They aren't always what he needed, but he always learns something about himself after they're over.

Gina takes Jake clubbing one night. She lied. She said they were just going to have a nice, relaxing dinner. Jake doesn't like clubbing. He gets a little too drunk and leaves with a girl and guy, both a few years younger than him. He feels like he's fourteen again, walking the streets of New York way too drunk to function. They take him to get the best chicken tenders in New York. His talk about how he hasn't had New Yorks's finest turns into him ranting about his shitty life. The two don't know what to do so they take him home and let him talk. The guy makes his milkshakes. Five of them.

"And then I fell in love with this guy, he's a really good comedian. Really successful, I think that means good, and then we broke up like a few years ago and then our dog died - we had this dog, his name was Detective. You know, like a detective, like a cop, cause I'm a detective, but I wasn't when I found him I just wanted to be. And then I... where was I? Oh yeah, the dog. He died and I really miss him. Oh! And then my two moms - well they're not really my moms but I feel like they are, they were like these old chicks when I was young and they took me home and fed me chicken tenders and five milkshakes! That's crazy, five milkshakes! What is wrong with me? Oh, and they invited me to their wedding but I didn't go because I was sad. I should call them. He works at SNL now. That's cool. That's cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool. Cool. No doubt."

Jake is twenty-eight and he's going to need a lot more therapy if he ever wants to do find love again. He can understand the looks that the two 26 years olds are giving, but he doesn't care, because he probably really should call them.


	25. Chapter 25

Jake is twenty-nine and having dinner with Kristina and Kaylie.

Kristina has since swapped her constantly dyed hair out for her natural brunette color. Jake thinks it looks good. It's still short, and Jake is glad that at least something hasn't changed. They talk all night. They talk about how their lives have been and about getting married, Jake talks about his career and how he's finally living his dreams. Kinda.

"Can you believe it's been fifteen years since we met?" Kristina asks suddenly.

And Jake can't. When they met, he was a naive fourteen-year-old boy who had only ever dated one person and who had only kissed two, unless you counted the two girls in kindergarten (but he didn't). So much had changed in those 15 years, and not all of it was good.

Jake then told them that he wanted to talk about his past. He brought them back to his small apartment and they were surprised to see the many photos of him on the wall. But it usually wasn't just him. There was a dog. And then, hung on the wall next to a photo of Jake in uniform, was a thick, red collar.

Jake told them about Detective Peralta-Mulaney. How he found him. How he became a part of the family. Jake told them about the family too. About how he worked at SNL now. Jake didn't tell him that he knew exactly which jokes and skits John wrote. Jake didn't tell them how he still laughed at every joke.

He told them about Levi Gold and what he was up to now. He did the same with Marshall Lockwood, though there wasn't much to tell with that one. His first girlfriend was the same. His second. His third. His fourth. His fifth. It was a lot of talking on Jakes's part, and he was surprised at how on topic and serious he stayed.

Jake is twenty-nine and realizing that life is just the same thing over and over again, just in different parts of your life. And sure, you may act differently to them, but they'll always remain the same. The only thing that changes is the person that you are and how you react to those situations. And sure, maybe sometimes you don't change, but he doesn't care, because he did change. And sometimes he may feel like it's for the worst, but such is life.


	26. Chapter 26

Jake is thirty and now he works with Gina.

It's odd having two of his closest friends at work, but he doesn't mind. It makes the days go by faster. There's also this kid, Charles, who is somewhat obsessed with Jake. And by somewhat I mean totally, completely, 100% obsessed. Jake finds it creepy, but oddly comforting. Is that weird? Does that make him weird? Jake thinks it does. There's also this girl, she's pretty sweet, her name is Amy. Jake would be lying if he said he didn't think she was attractive, but she was dating somebody else and office romances never worked (Stevie had one, let's just say things didn't end very well.)

Jake likes his captain. As long as he puts up good numbers, he can do whatever he wants. Even his sergeant is lax about it. Terry is cool. He talks about himself in the third person sometimes. Jake thinks its a little weird.

Jake spends as much time at work as possible. Weekend included. It's not like he has anything better to do. If he doesn't over time, he goes to the bar and gets a quick hookup. They never satisfy Jake but they get his mind off of the fact that he'll be alone forever and ever and ever and that nobody is ever gonna love him and nobody ever has and John was probably lying when he said I love you the first time because he was drunk and every time after that he was just too nice to break up with Jake because that's definitely something John would do and-

"Are you okay, Jacob?"

He looks up and its... John?

"Y-Yeah, I-I, what are you here? Doing? What?" He manages.

John was robbed. And it just Jakes luck that he's the detective on the case. Well, along with Amy, but she doesn't know any of the stuff that went down between them.

They solve the case. Of course they do. They're detectives. It's their jobs.

John has Detectives leash hung up on the wall. Jake almost cries when he sees it. John still has photos of them up. They're on shelves in the living room, hidden behind other photos of him and famous celebrities that Jake doesn't even know the names of. His favorite photo is the one of him, John, and Detective at their college graduation. Jake cries when he gets home.

For their troubles, John gives them SNL tickets.

Jake is thirty and at his ex-boyfriend's job. It's weird but he doesn't care, because he still recognizes every joke that John has written. Every sketch he has helped out on. And he still laughs at every joke.


	27. Chapter 27

Jake is thirty-one and sitting in a fancy New York restaurant with John Mulaney sitting in front of him.

He's wearing his best - only - suit and tie, but he still feels underdressed. And man, is it just him or is it really, really hot in the restaurant? Because his hands are clammy and he's sweating and his mouth is dry and John said this wasn't a date but it sure feels like a date and oh my god John looks good in a suit New In Town does not do him justice and holy shit Jake isn't over him-

"Still with me?"

Jake was. So he nodded. He thinks. John asks about New In Town and The Top Part. He asks if Jake has watched either of them. He has. And he laughed at every joke.

The bill comes and John doesn't even let Jake look at it, but Jake knows that it's an insane amount of money which is really weird because it's such a small amount of food but the desert was actually pretty good and the wine was good but Jake knows it was expensive and he doesn't even like wine that much he was just drinking it because John was drinking it and he didn't want to feel left out and-

"Jacob?"

That got his attention. Nobody ever called him Jacob. He forbodes it (does that mean does not allow? Jake thinks that what it means) But John knows that nobody ever calls him Jacob. It's why John does. Because it gets his attention. And, in cases like this, calms him down.

They go back to Johns's apartment. It's nice without all the crime scene tape and extra detectives and various law enforcement. John still has a copy of Die Hard. And a tub of cotton candy ice cream. They watch Die Hard and eat ice cream all night. Jake hasn't watched Die Hard in a while. He still loves it.

Jake starts watching SNL again. He laughs at every joke. Sometimes John will just show up to the precinct to show Jake a joke. He knows that Jake will laugh at it even if it's not funny.

Jake doesn't know what's happening because he was supposed to be over John and John was supposed to be over him. This was not part of the plan.

They officially get back together in December. Neither of them says anything to anybody. Jake thinks back to when he was twenty-nine. Life is the same thing over and over again just at different points in your life. This is a perfect example of that. Jake thinks he should write a book. John laughs. Jake agrees with John. He doesn't write a book.

Jake is thirty-one and it's a week before Christmas. He's walking back home from a late-night coffee run that he needed because of a late-night stakeout. He can barely feel his fingers despite wearing a thick jacket, a coat, and gloves. From an alley next to him, he hears whimpering. Jake is twenty-one again. Against his better judgment, he investigates. He finds a golden retriever puppy. Jake wraps him in his jacket and carries him home. They name him Saturday. Jake still feels like a giraffe, but he doesn't care, because his little wide-eyed kid came back and now he loves giraffes more than ever.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end is near

Jake is thirty-two and his captain is retiring.

Jake is scared. He hopes the new captain will be somebody cool that lets him do whatever he wants when he wants.

He's not. He's like a robot. And he really has a thing for ties. Doesn't he know that Jake doesn't have ties?

But John does. So Jake steals his. And it turns out, the captain is gay. And Jake thinks that's cool. He's so open about it. Jake doesn't believe him at first. A black, openly gay captain in the NYPD? He would get discriminated against so hard.

"I did. Constantly. There were many setbacks in my career but I never let them stop me. You always have to strive for change even if everybody is against you. How else do things get done?" He says one night during a heart to heart with Jake. It's a late-night stakeout and for once, Jake is happy to be doing it with his boss.

He tells Jake about these little boys and this young police officer that gave him more hope than anybody. It was only at the 'taking out a white-haired man whilst off duty' story, that Jake realized he was the little kid. Every time. So Jake told him that. And maybe Holt cried a little. Maybe Jake did too.

But nobody cared.

Because there were many reasons to be sad and bitter. Many reasons to never forgive anybody. Many reasons to lose hope. But he remained hopeful. They both did. They all did. And maybe that's the most extraordinary thing about them. Maybe it was finding beauty in the small actions of a child that didn't want to be like his father, or the child that just wanted to buy his gummy bears, or the adult cop that was tired of being put down.

They kept pushing.

And Jake knew that sometime in the future when he told the 99th precinct that he was bisexual, that he was dating an insanely talented, insanely handsome comedian, that they would understand. And they would accept him, even with all his flaws.

Jake was thirty-two and life wasn't perfect, but then again, is it ever?

And sure, maybe sometimes Jake still feels like the lonely giraffe in the zoo with the new lions and tigers, but sometimes he doesn't. And that sometimes is the sometimes he sticks to.

And when he visits the captain's office, on the corner of his desk, there's a little black plastic batman ring and a family of plastic giraffes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end is now


End file.
